VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
