Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
