Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and she was petting her beer can
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
