everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
