My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
