doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i came on her dog
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
