I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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