Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am available for nakedness
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize