is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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