yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
