Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
