two words: eviction party
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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