he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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