Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
