I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
