I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
