I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
