first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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