i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She bit a glass in half.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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