i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
