my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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