I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
