we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
