After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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