Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
