I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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