What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
