There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
