I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
