when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
