Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
