Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
