Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
