Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize