Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Did I show you my penis last night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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