It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
