idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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