We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
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I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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