My sheets look like a crime scene.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
