On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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