Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
