Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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