And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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