wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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