I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The ass gains better be worth it
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