Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
