I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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