You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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