FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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