We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
