hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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