just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
