i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
