Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
