she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
