wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
