Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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