We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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